Sunday, May 18, 2008
Do noses become less tolerable with age?
On our recent trip to Utah to attend Aaron's graduation we took the MARTA to the airport. I take MARTA often and usually enjoy the interesting experiences that only can happen on MARTA. Loraine and I were sitting in a car that was almost empty and because we had luggage with us we sat right adjacent to our bags. Two stops after we got on the train two people entered the car and one sat across from us and the other sat directly behind us. Immediately we both noticed the most foul smell and knew that one of the two was the source of the most foul smell. I looked intently at the young man across from us and he looked clean-shaven, new clothes and that he likely had a shower that morning. I mentioned quietly to Loraine that the problem was behind and we could move if she wanted to but she just shook her head and I could see that she was focused on survival as she was taking deep breaths similar to the final stage of labor. She said "Do not look back!!" with a mouth that did not move (at times I think she could be an ventriloquist). The smell was so rank my esophagus was going into shock and minor reverse peristalsis had set in so I just had to look back - I had to see what was causing so much stress in my life because of the intense foul smell. I turned slowly to my left far enough to see two feet that were about mens size 9 protruding into the aisle with light blue socks and more holes then I have fingers and toes. The feet were on the end of two crossed legs and two old running shoes were sitting empty on the floor. I had certainly found the source of the most extreme stress my nervous system had experienced in recent memory. We then went through a tunnel and using the windows as a makeshift mirror I discretely looked across from me and noticed the person who owned those feet was reading a newspaper and I thought I saw him doing a crossword puzzle with his back against the window. So I turned around again looking to see what he looked like and how a person could actually emit such a putrid odor. It was a short man in his late 40's who looked like he had not shaved for just few days and the rest of his clothes looked a little worn but not like his socks and cer
tainly not like his shoes. He was actually doing the crossword puzzle or some other type of challenge and he looked like he was enjoying it with his feet up on the seat towards the middle of the train. Loraine elbowed me to turn around and stop looking and I did so with out delay. I told her we need to move before I throw up but she said "no" as she continued with the long drawn out breaths with her eyes obviously focused on something that was going to get her through this. I suddenly had an idea and I asked Loraine if I could offer him 5 bucks if he would promise to get off the train - the answer - no - again without any lip movement. Then I asked - okay how about 5 bucks for him to move to the other end of the car - No was the answer and it was louder then the first but still there was no lip movement. Just then the young man got up and waited a few seconds until the doors opened and he promptly left the train. Immediately Loraine got up and went to sit in the spot where the young man was sitting which was on the other side of the train but facing me and the smell behind me. Loraine looked sick and she was covering her mouth with her arm which I assumed to filter the smell but afterwards she told me she was trying to m
ask the foul smell with the smell of fabric softener. I got out my camera to take some pictures of Loraine and the smelly feet but she could read my mind and shook her head at me taking a picture of the feet that caused us so much stress in such a short time. Well I did get a shot or two of Loraine one showing her sniffing her sweater and a second of her trying to look at the smelly little man without being noticed. Suddenly the little man sat up, put on his old shoes and quickly left the train carrying his paper and plastic shopping bag holding a few prized possessions. Now looking back I have smelt a lot of things in my life that have caused me to feel sick but that was the worst ever coming from another human. Now I know what I should have offered him was some clean socks and new shoes - I think the smell was in the shoes and probably has been there since the early 80's.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Oh! That's Pete! He lives under the 10th street bridge.
Yah. Staying away is the best option but he would have got off the train for a quarter...
And yes, he likes Sudoku...
The look on Loraine's face is so hilarious!
Hey, we just found out that Konrad has a conference the first week of November. I know that's a long ways away, but it is fun to think about. I hope we can come. We are eager to see you in August.
Okay, that was a really funny post. And John's comment made it even better! Thanks for giving me a good laugh. :) - Steph
OK, so sad that John knows the guy's name and even sadder that he knows that he would have left for a quarter (How do you know John, have you tried?) but soooo funny!! I can just see and hear Loraine with her ventriloquist lips.
I was getting sick just reading the blog!! Sometimes we have rank breath or body odor among some singers I associate with...but never enough to make me want to throw up! Thanks for the description...life is too short to worry about offending people though. I would have moved! Point for Loraine for keeping you from offending!
Post a Comment